I have to admit, I do check in with various blogs on a weekly basis. One of the ones I read is a divorce blog for divorcing parents. Topics like separate child rearing, co-parenting and assimilation of new spouses/partners are often covered.
Recently there have been a few articles dedicated to ‘bad-mouthing the ex,' especially online. Believe it or not there have actually been cases where spouses who have posted inflammatory things about their ex-spouses, find that when they go to court in their obviously adversarial divorce case, they get slapped by the judge for such poor behavior.
Please don't assume that just because you have your ex blocked on FaceBook that he or she will not get a forward of whatever messages you are posting. Someone you know will tell someone they know, who'll tell someone they know, etc. until your ex finds out and ends up with a screenshot in court.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
I know that in the typical divorce there are years, sometimes decades of animosity built up. It can be hard to overcome some of those feelings of anger and ill-will. Believe me, I've seen it all!
But feelings of revenge will not help you create the kind of future you will need to have with your ex-spouse, especially if you have kids together.
One of the main benefits of the collaborative divorce process is the fact that there are multiple players, from different disciplines, all working together in order to overcome hurdles that generally accompany a divorce.
One of the main considerations is the children. Divorce, no matter how therapeutic, is one of the worst things that can happen to a child and his or her world. Animosity between the parents only serves to cause more anxiety, leaving children exposed to emotional issues during the divorce and later in life.
Child and family therapists are often key members of the collaborative divorce process, helping to insure that everyone has a voice and that each participant is heard and that their needs are being met.
Financial advisors and counselors are also essential in making sure that everyone is secure financially, both during and after the divorce.The simple fact that both spouses agree to work toward the benefit of everyone involved, to participate in the process completely, and to be honest about issues and finances, can go a long way towards rebuilding some of the trust and lessening some of the anger and ill-will that often accompanies a decision to split up.
The collaborative divorce and its requirement that all of the parties work together, also helps lessen the chance that either spouse will be flaming the other online, cyber-stalking or cyber-bullying. Having to explain yourself to the entire team is often a good deterrent to those sorts of destructive behaviors.
If you or your spouse are contemplating divorce, or have already decided to end your marriage, contact our offices today by using the Contact Form on our website to schedule a free case review. We will discuss the process of collaborative divorces in detail and advise you as to whether it could be helpful in your situation. Our attorneys are all certified in the collaborative divorce and its issues and we look forward to helping your family through this time of crisis.